Back on track this morning, back on track. Raffi's Singable Songs for the Very Young was back in my car's CD player, the sun was streaming in the windows, and I knew it was gonna be all right.
Who's got a beard that's long and white?
Santa's got a beard that's long and white.
Who comes around on a special night?
Santa comes around on a special night.
Special night, beard that's white ...
Must be Santa, must be Santa,
Must be Santa, Santa Claus.
I've been away from blogging for seven days -- a week -- and every day, I was going darker. But I'm back. I'm back to blogging and back from crazy.
It started when something happened -- an unimportant thing -- that caused me to question whether the blog had been a good idea. And while I was at it -- questioning, that is -- I wondered whether the time I'm spending on blogging and bloggy things is the right way for me to spend time. Because there are other things I've been meaning to do. And STILL HAVEN'T DONE. You may remember this. Or this and this. You probably don't remember these projects -- but I do, because they're still sitting right where they were when I wrote about them. So, I wondered whether disconnecting myself from the computer would be for my own good.
I talked about it with my sister. I talked about it with Jake. I unloaded my troubles on a kind blogging acquaintance. Keep going or quit? Keep going or quit? Keep going or quit? They tried to be helpful, and offered me helpful ideas: Set limits on the time you spend; Take a blog vacation and see how you feel; Spend less time on the keeping up with the community stuff. But I wasn't sure.
I was discouraged. I was tangled. I was stuck.
I made a master to-do list (it's five pages long) and tried to cross some things off. I cleaned out my purse and balanced my checkbook. I did some Christmas shopping. I started potty training Harper (she's doing so well!). I folded a lot of laundry. I decided to skip sending Christmas cards this year.
But I still wasn't sure. And by this time, I had gone dark. It wasn't (or isn't) that the idea of reading, exercising, volunteering, and getting around to projects bummed me out, but somehow, I was bummed out thinking about doing those things instead of blogging. Knowing that I hadn't gotten to those things in the nearly six months that I've been blogging convinced me that I never would get to them while still blogging, and I was struggling to become unconvinced even by the people who love me the most and put up with me more than I deserve.
So, I cried.
And then, I don't know why, but I decided the right thing to do in this case is the thing that a lot of people do when they don't want to choose between two things (in this case, blogging or not blogging): I decided to make DOING IT ALL work.
Thinking about making DOING IT ALL work doesn't bum me out. Instead of making me go dark, it makes me feel light. It makes me want to sing my new favorite Christmas song. With apologies to Hal Moore and Bill Fredricks for probably infringing on their copyrights, ...
Reindeer sleigh, come our way,
Ho, ho, ho, cherry nose,
Cap on head, suit that's red,
Special night, beard that's white ...
Must be Santa, must be Santa,
Must be Santa, Santa Claus.
OK, so, forget what I said about being back from crazy.
If you're more the Bob Dylan than Raffi type, check out Dylan's version of "Must Be Santa."